Why 'Mastering Intentions' Beat Traditional Goal-Setting for This Real Estate Mogul and HBO Max Star

Bianca D'Alessio: Bianca D'Alessio. Kathryn Finney: the last year. Kathryn Finney: Welcome to Welcome back to build a damn thing. The podcast where we help underestimated founders use entrepreneurship to build the life and legacy you deserve. I'm your host, Kathryn Finney. Today's guest, Bianca Diessio. shoot. I did not say that right. Diessio, Diessio, Diessio. Bianca D'Alessio: Okay, de lesse you. Kathryn Finney: Welcome back to Build a Damn Thing, the podcast where we help underestimated founders use entrepreneurship to build the life and legacy you deserve. I'm your host, Kathryn Finney. Today's guest, Bianca DiLessio, is a real estate powerhouse, HBO Max star, and author of Mastering Intentions. She's here to teach us how long game leadership builds lasting success. Welcome, Bianca. Bianca D'Alessio: Thank you so much for having me on today. I am so excited about this conversation. Kathryn Finney: And so I loved your book. And because I'm a person all about intentions. So you talk a lot about intentions. And so how do you define intention? And what's the difference between intentions and goals? Bianca D'Alessio: Thank you. Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah, so for me, the focus on intentions is creating alignment in my life. An alignment with the way that my physical body is acting and performing, with what's occurring in my brain, with what I want in my heart. How do you create this synergy between all of the things that you want and all of the components of your body to move in alignment? And so when I think about intentionality, it's so powerful because it's centering yourself to become very grounded in what you want. and how to create that life and moving in the process and understanding and flowing with all of the ebbs and flows and learning moments for how you reach that intention, how you work on that intention, but also realizing that's a never ending process. You never just reach intentionality, you never get to the end goal, it's an ever evolving journey, which I think is so special. I think when it comes to goals, I have a lot of different feelings on goals, having been someone who is very, very goal oriented, but having a toxic relationship with setting very metric specific goals. So, you know, I've always been someone who writes my New Year's resolutions, my, the goals that I want to hit for every birthday. And I found myself getting into this cycle of disappointment with myself where I was writing a number, you know, we're, taught to write, to create smart goals, something that's measurable, something that's achievable, you know, writing these smart goals but always being disappointed with myself are very singularly or narrow-mindedly focused. And a few years ago I needed to pull back because I was being hard on myself. I wasn't enjoying the process. And I'm like, but I'm achieving all of the things, but why do I not feel fulfillment? And that's when I started to realize the importance of intentionality. It's creating that connection and that synergy in your life. So you're not just achieving the thing. but you're moving in alignment with yourself and what you want for your life. Kathryn Finney: You talk about the toxic goals. I want to go back to that because most you never really hear anyone explaining it that way, right? That that goals can be toxic. How do we make our goals toxic? Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: Yep. Bianca D'Alessio: Gosh, I I think for a lot of people, every January comes around. And for me, it was always been, I want to lose 10 pounds this year. I want to use 15 pounds this year. It was always focused on the number on the scale. This is one of many, but I think this is such an easy example for people to understand. It was the number on the scale that I was trying to achieve. But a few years ago, I was like, but I'm working out and I'm eating healthier and I'm a happier person. Why do I care about that number so much? Why did I choose 10? Why not nine? At nine, I feel really good. Why 15 instead of 14 or achieve 16? Because I achieved 16 and my goal was 15. Does that make me a rockstar? No, it's about the fulfillment and the alignment and the intrinsic value that you're getting from within of the person that you're becoming who is capable of achieving the goal that you set out. And I've done that with so many things, my money goals, my business goals. So it's not just the number on the scale, but like in all of these aspects, why that dollar amount? Why that amount, those amount of people? Why are we creating and narrow-minding our focus to a number? Yes, striving towards, you know, a metric or something that is measurable is important. But when it is the only measure of success, I think it creates tunnel vision and narrow-mindedness to not see other optionality, other possibilities and other calculations of success. for how we are getting there. Kathryn Finney: So it's more about the process, right? Process, not the end result, not necessarily the goal, because if you only lose nine pounds, you still won, right? If your goal was 10, but you lost nine, you're still winning, you're still winning. And the process probably led to some pretty significant changes in your life. So the process of getting to the goal, even if you didn't exactly get to that goal, led to some pretty significant. Bianca D'Alessio: It's, life is all about the process. Yes. Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: You're still winning? Yes. Yes. Bianca D'Alessio: Totally. Kathryn Finney: changes in your life. Bianca D'Alessio: Yes, and I think by just focusing on the end result and not like who was the person, like what discipline did I learn? You how did I become healthier? How did I become happier? Like that journey is so significant to the transformation in our lives. the same thing is across with, know, saving and financial goals, business goals. Who are you becoming in that process of trying to achieve that goal? And really narrowing in on those success stories and those moments and those pivotal seconds of like where you're, changing yourself and you're growing yourself. Kathryn Finney: That's really interesting to think of for entrepreneurs in particular. You usually don't hear when you're an entrepreneur, you're starting a business to enjoy the process. You're trying to get to a goal, you want to make money, right? You need to generate revenue. But building with intention, which I think is very important when you're building a company, building with intention and enjoying that process of building with intention, Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: Me. Bianca D'Alessio: Correct, yes. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Kathryn Finney: could lead to great success, not just monetary wise, but also just in building. Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: And I think especially for newer entrepreneurs in a business venture, you're not going to make money initially. you are going to feel you're going to struggle with most people. I know I did struggle with imposter syndrome. Am I doing the right thing? You know, the fear of rejection or a failure stepping into your power, you know, dealing with your family dynamics and how it relates, you know, like your character and your personality. and so much changes during those first few years of being a founder of a business or CEO of a business that The other things that you're learning along the way and how you're growing, think it's very easy to discount how long it takes to actually get there. And this shift really happened for me after I started my business because I started my current company four years ago. And in that first 18 months, my head was down. All I was focused on was like, how hard can I work? Saying no to everything that wasn't work because I had something to prove to myself. I really wanted to put myself out there. And then during that process, this was in real estate, my real estate business. And I was losing myself in that process. You know, like I pulled back for my family, I pulled back from my friends, I stopped doing any habits, I stopped taking care of myself. A lot of the things because I had a bandwidth problem, right? It was a time problem. And like, I became so focused on trying to achieve this metric I had set in business that I really needed to pull back because I was like, finally I got to a point where I was like, wow. Kathryn Finney: And was this in real estate? This company was in. Bianca D'Alessio: I achieved the numbers and I hit everything, but I don't feel happy. I don't feel empowered. I don't feel inspired by the work that I'm doing. I've positioned myself. now one of the top brokers in the entire country, but why am I not proud of the success that I've built? So I realized I had to pull back and look at like, wow, all of the other ways I had grown during that period of time, the people I had touched, the way that I had become a better leader. the way that I had become more confident in myself, those became far better measures and metrics of my success because that created my new baseline for how I was going to operate for where like that next trajectory and the next 18 months, the next 24 months would go after that that I never had before that. I never had that my whole life. I experienced it during the hardest moments of starting my business. Kathryn Finney: triggered that. Bianca D'Alessio: So what triggered the conversation I needed to have with myself? So it was actually, I hadn't taken any time off. I wasn't sleeping and I was not taking care of myself. Finally, my brother and sister, who I'm very, close with, they said, let's go on a sibling trip. And I guess this was their way of also having an intervention with me. So we're sitting in this very romantic restaurant in Sicily and in Italy. Kathryn Finney: Yum. Bianca D'Alessio: And they are literally are saying like, Bianca, like we haven't had a relationship with you since you started your company. We haven't seen you. Every time we're around you, you're exhausted. Like, of course I am, like I'm not sleeping. And they're like, we don't like the person that you've become and you need to figure out your priorities and refocus yourself. Because if you don't, you're going to create more permanent damage for you in your life and in your relationships. And that was like my, my gosh, like my break. I felt like my heart was in my stomach because I had said, the reason I'm building my business is I wanna take care of my family and I wanna do more for them and I wanna empower them and I wanna make them proud of me and they weren't proud of me. I was not in alignment with my intentions. And so was at that moment, it was like, this is a turning point and I need to change something and I don't wanna make it sound like I got home and I was this new person. It took six to eight months of really focusing on How do I become that better version of myself that I want to be for the people who are most important to me and also have a successful business before I started to get in my new rhythm of where I want it to be. Kathryn Finney: And I think that's really hard. I I had a similar challenge. And I would say that your family definitely is proud of you. They missed you, They missed you. They wanted you back. They wanted you back. But I had a similar challenge and it turned into a health challenge. It was like a hypertensive episode where, you know, was a come to Jesus, Buddha, whoever talked that my doctor had with me, which was like, Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah, of course that was it was coming. Yes, exactly. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: you Kathryn Finney: You have to change, if you don't change, you're probably going to have a heart attack and die within the next year or two. Like this is not sustainable. It's not sustainable. And when you are in high, very driven industries like venture capital or real estate, or these industries where it's a high pressure and that you are the performer, and many times you're sometimes the product, right? You tend to forget the... Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Wow. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. Kathryn Finney: who you are, the path, you don't enjoy the process. The process just becomes like, it's just you're like, you're not even thinking of the process, autopilot. And even thinking it's like, okay, I go here, I gotta go here. You're not asking yourself, there's no intention behind it, right? Like, why am I doing this? Do I really need to do this? Do I really need to do this? Can somebody else do this? And you don't ask yourself those questions. And so you talk a lot about the practice of mastering intentions. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. autopilot. Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: Correct. Kathryn Finney: which I think is super important, particularly for very type A people like us. And so walk me through one of your 10 tips for remastering intentions. Bianca D'Alessio: best. Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. So the the practice that I have now of how I started recalibrating my my goal setting at the end of the year is looking for where where are there gaps in my performance in my inspiration? You know, where do I feel like I'm lacking in intentionality? And what do I want to focus on this year? So instead of writing down all of these metric goals, it's What three things do I want to commit myself to this year? Those are the intentions I'm going to set for myself. And every year they look a little bit different. Sometimes I keep something on from the last year if I haven't felt like I've gotten it yet. But for me, something this year is courage. Like I look back, I'm like, okay, what is the next thing that I need to have in order to have that breakthrough in my career this year? Where am I lacking right now? And for me, it's I need to take more courageous steps. I need to continue to step. I say all the time I need to step outside of my comfort zone. And but how do I do that intentionally? Where do I how do I put myself in conversations like this where I'm out in front of people and, know, you make yourself open to a new audience, you make yourself vulnerable, you you force yourself to continue to be authentic. How do you display that courage and how do you commit to that? know that if I do that over the next year and I focus on making courageous actions every single day. My business and my professional life and my personal life and my relationships are going to be better for it. And so that's an intention that I have for myself. But in this book, beyond that, besides the actual practice of finding those intentions, know, they're practices and it's there, you know, I wrote this, it's part memoir, part blueprint and workshop and textbook almost of how do you workshop this through your own life? And you know, especially focusing on the entrepreneurs who are in that startup phase, like how do you work and rewire your brain to feel deserving? So for me, like positive self-talk has always been super important. And what that has led to is developing, you know, the mindset of a winner's mindset. You know, how do you remind yourself, Bianca D'Alessio: that you are going to come out a winner. There will be failures and there will be missteps along the way, but shaping every single negative into what is not just the positive, because I don't believe in toxic positivity, but what is the takeaway from that that I could use that and have it lead to something that will eventually become a learning moment or a moment of a positive impact in my life. Kathryn Finney: I have a friend who, she always says, show up in the room as if you are the most interesting person people are going to meet that day. And she says that in relation to founders who are going to pitch investors, or you're going to a bank loan, or maybe you're trying to talk to a new customer, or something where you're afraid that you don't have the courage, the courage that you're developed this year, like you maybe don't have that, right? It's a scary sort of situation. She said, you know, walk in as if you're the most interesting person they're going to meet that day. And so I've done that quite a bit, and it really does work. It's sort of this positive, instead of assuming, okay, they've met with a thousand different people, why would they choose me? Which is a negative way. So saying, well, Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: I love that. Bianca D'Alessio: Yep. Kathryn Finney: Why would they not? I am very interesting. I have this great company. I've really, I've done my work. I've, you know, I have this great strategy. I have this great business model. They're going to want to invest in me and I'm going to work to make sure that they want to invest in me, which is a very different way of thinking, right? It's not toxic positivity, but it's very much saying that I have something of value and I'm going to communicate that to this other party. And I believe that they're going to see the value in it. I'm not going to. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Kathryn Finney: choose the negative. Bianca D'Alessio: It's rewiring of the brain and that's and that's everything I love that so much and thank you for sharing that with me because I'm gonna use that during moments when I'm lacking courage or when I'm nervous because those Those moments when you step outside of your comfort zone and put yourself in a room and then you walk away from it And you're like, wow, I'm proud of myself How do you become proud of yourself? How do you further? exacerbate your confidence within yourself. You know, those are all learned skills that compound over time. You know, no one is just born confident. We learn confidence from other people through, you know, being proud of ourselves through acknowledgement, through recognition. And so I love that so much. Kathryn Finney: And sometimes you do kind of have to, especially when comes to things like confidence, like fake it till you make it. mean, like sometimes it's like, you just gotta pretend. It's why I said. Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. Yeah. Yep. I say, I say be it until you are it. Yes. Kathryn Finney: Exactly, be it until you are it. And it's why I suggest to entrepreneurs to look at things like improv classes and stuff like where you're really stretched, where you actually have to like show up and be aware and you have to listen improv, you have to really listen, right? And you have to react to what the other person is doing. And if you are not listening, you're not gonna be able to react. It doesn't work. And so... Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: Yep. Kathryn Finney: taking classes like that, where you also have to be on stage in front of people. It just really helps develop that sort of skill. And so one of the things that we've talked about quite a bit this season on the podcast is media and being in the media. And as someone who is on television, right, you're on HBO's next show. Bianca D'Alessio: I guess I am. Kathryn Finney: All right, I guess it's HBO Max now, right? Cause it was like Max and now it's like, right? It's like changed again. One of the things we talk about is like, how does that impact your business? Has it impact your business? Like how does being on TV, having articles written about you, how does that translate into business success? Bianca D'Alessio: Yes it is. Yes, it's been a few iterations. Bianca D'Alessio: Yep. So for me, I had never wanted to be on reality TV. Like that was not a goal of mine. But when I was approached to be on the show, I had a bigger fear of saying no, because I was afraid. Because at the point in time when I was approached for the show, I had this black cloud. I felt like following me where my father was. My father was recently incarcerated of a financial fraud. Kathryn Finney: What was the black count? Bianca D'Alessio: And he was in the same industry. He was in real estate like I was. And I was nervous. Well, first of all, I had not processed that trauma yet at all. I hadn't talked about it. And I was nervous of now being exposed. And I was trying so hard to build my name and to build my brand, but also being embarrassed of my name. So not really wanting to get it out there. And now all of a sudden I needed to be on TV. And what the biggest thing the show gave me, was the power to own my story. And I had no idea the importance of that or the significance of that or how that would change my life. So like I fully credit reality TV and that experience to like learning how to own my story and learning how to tell my story and using my story to connect to other people. That has given me like, it's changed everything for me because it changed my mindset. It changed the way I show up in the world. So What the show did was it encouraged me to step into this moment of vulnerability where where I was with my business at that point in time was this stoic woman where everything was perfect, where I had everything figured out. Well, the reality is most entrepreneurs have no idea what they're doing. The best entrepreneurs are able to make decisions quickly, move with confidence and be agile. When something doesn't work out, they pivot. It's not that they haven't. Yeah. They don't have a rule book. There is no rule book. And I thought I was supposed to have a rule book and I was supposed to know what I was doing in my business. And I was afraid. But what that started to do is leaning into this vulnerability of when I was leading with that perfectionism, my team wasn't coming to, they were afraid to fail. They were afraid to ask questions. They didn't want to make mistakes because, you know, Bianca was perfect and she was a machine and she just kept going. And then I was like, you know what? I could pull back from that. there's gonna be a better way to connect and to relate with my people if they feel like we're part of this together. If they know that I don't always have the answers, we're gonna make mistakes, we will have failures, but you know what? I will always have your back and I will make sure that we learn together and we get better together. And that from a leadership perspective, dramatically, dramatically changed my conversations with my employees, changed the conversations with my leadership teams, changed the way we were operating. Bianca D'Alessio: All of a sudden we started to become way more creative because we weren't afraid to fail. Like if we failed, they knew we were going to try again and it was going to be okay. so like that's reality TV gave me so much of that. And then having just the platform to start talking about all of this was huge. know, like leaning into the messiness and the chaos of building a business because it's not perfect. It's not pretty. It's late nights, you know. You operate as every single person in your business when you are a founder or a starter or a CEO. You know, one day you're the CEO, the other day you're the janitor and like you're everything in between and that is okay. And so I started sharing that story on social media with people and it just felt so empowering to know that the community of people who like weren't always talking about this, it's the same. It doesn't matter what industry you're in. Like that is the life. Kathryn Finney: Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: of a founder CEO and I felt a lot of comfort honestly because I felt like I started to build my community and I was able to do that through the show. Kathryn Finney: Now you talk a little bit about family, right? And having family challenges. And I think there's a lot of folks who could relate to that of having, you know, whether it be a family member who's been incarcerated or maybe it's just this challenging dynamics, period. And you often hear from entrepreneurs that one of the biggest challenges they have in building is family relations, right? Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. Kathryn Finney: that you have family members who maybe are not supportive or say certain things to you that inhibit your ability or try to inhibit your ability to grow. How do you get around that? How do you manage that? Bianca D'Alessio: So there's certain, I think there's certain dynamics that can be managed and there's other ones that are crucial. The partner and the spouse that you choose, they have to be your biggest cheerleader. And if they are not supporting you, they're gonna hold you back. It's... Yeah. Kathryn Finney: I talk about that a lot. Yes. Kathryn Finney: You have to partner with someone useful. If they're not useful in some sort of way, they have to be useful. If they're not useful. And I don't necessarily mean that they have to fund your endeavors, they have to be of use that they are actually doing stuff. And if you have a partner that's not, you need to kick them to the curb immediately because it's going to be impossible for you to build your dream. Bianca D'Alessio: No, not at all! Yep. But they. Bianca D'Alessio: Correct, correct. And like, it's all a trade off, right? It's, you have to make, it's a conscious knowing of like, what is more important? If your partner's not supporting you, it will impact your business. There's no way around it. So one thing is going to fail. It will be your marriage or your relationship or your business. If they're not, if they're not in alignment, if you don't have someone who helps you in that process, who's understanding of the process or is willing to figure it out with you as you go. So I think that's something that no matter what is crucial. But I think then like all of the other components of family, know, what was really important to me was starting to focus on not family as a blanket statement, but what is the relationship that I have with each of my family members? And how do I, one, recognize the importance and the value that it has in my life? And how do I make sure that I start to one by one, because it's lot easier said than done. change my expectation of the other person so I become the best version of myself that I can for that relationship. Not trying to focus on changing their behavior to better serve me. How do I make sure that I recalibrate myself? You cannot control someone else's actions, someone else's mindset, someone else's openness or willingness to accept. You can't do it. You cannot change someone if they don't want to change. You could help guide them. You could try to show them the way. You could give them tools and resources. But if someone doesn't want to change, you will never change them. So the only person I could focus on changing was myself. And so I started doing that in each of the different dynamics for how they played out, you know, after my father got out of prison. How did that family dynamic change? What was important to me? Yeah, it was very hard, you know, seeing my father like my whole life, he built a phenomenally, phenomenally successful business. Kathryn Finney: How did it change? Bianca D'Alessio: And he was like, who from a young age, like I saw how hard he worked, what he what he did and how he grew it. And he was in my eyes, you know, my my hero in business. And then in my mid 20s, everything came crashing down. And that moment of reality was, you know, I didn't have time to deal with it at that point in time, because I just needed to figure out how to survive right then. So it wasn't until years later. then when he came out and figuring out like. How does he now rebuild? How does he reform his life? Like, you know what? He is just a person like everyone else who made a mistake. And that's okay. Let him have his moment of retribution. Let him work to repent, to rebuild. And you know what? I can't always be everything for everyone if they're not willing to put in the work themselves, if they're not willing to recalibrate their mindset. And so that took a bit of a pulling back for me because I think When he got in trouble, I like jumped in. I'm a fixer. That's what I do. Like, how do I keep the family together to make sure no one feels the trauma or the damage? You know what? Right now, we just need to sit in it for a minute. We need to sit in the discomfort and other people need to have the opportunity to rebuild themselves so they get their own confidence back. And that was really important for my father when he came out was who is he now in the world? And how does he... how does he tell his story? How does he write his narrative? And how does he rebuild his confidence for how he shows up in the world? So it was a moment of pulling back, you know, different from my mom, different from my siblings. But, you know, I talked through that process of what that looked like in my book, because it's very raw and it's very honest. And it's really scary to think about, like sometimes the people in your life who are closest to you, It doesn't mean cut them out, but the current relationship as it stands may not be serving you. And it's a moment of clarity that I think is very important to have. Kathryn Finney: The The author, Ilana Van Zandt says something that I always like, I love quotes. So if you haven't gotten that, but she says something that I always think of and it's, sometimes you meet people where they're at and sometimes you leave them there. And I think that's true with family. Sometimes you can go there with them, right? And I'm not talking about just physical, like mentally, sometimes you can go to where they're at. Bianca D'Alessio: So do I. Kathryn Finney: And then other times you're like, yeah, I can't go there with you. I'm gonna leave you right here. I'm gonna go back to my area over here. I might come back at some point to see you. I might hang with you a little bit in this space, but I can't live in this space with you. I can't, I'm not able to do that. And it's more about self self-preservation and self awareness and self growth and less about being punitive to them. It's just, I'm not able to be in that space with you. And it takes a lot of, Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. Kathryn Finney: self-awareness and growth to understand that. And to understand the spaces you can be in and the spaces you can't, particularly with family. The spaces like, you know, cause family will create spaces and places and that can be very difficult because we still want everyone to win, especially our family members. It's difficult for us to kind of climb out of it, right? But I can't be down there with you cause I'm to be down there for the rest of my life too. And I don't want to be down there. It's not fun down there. Bianca D'Alessio: Yep. Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah. Kathryn Finney: And so getting back to, yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: And I think family, you know, it's challenging in the startup period when you're growing your business because your family is that it becomes almost like a comfort zone of who you are as your inner child. I'm not saying it's good or it's bad because it could have been very traumatic, but it's like the comfort zone of your default place for how you were raised. And then as you start to build your business, you're entering like a whole new transformation of life. of self discovery and like, am I and how do I fit in? And you're just trying to figure it out for yourself. And they may not understand that because they don't see you as that person because they don't know you as that person yet. And neither do you. You don't even know yourself as that person. And so it's very hard. I totally relate to that. And I get that of like this stepping away and then you can come back or you could bring people along in the journey. But like it is that very conscious decision. and conversation you need to have with yourself. Kathryn Finney: Because in business, particularly when you're starting a business with family, That dynamic, whatever dynamic you have in the family, it brings into the business and has nothing to do with business, right? It's Bianca's little, little Bianca, little B, in the family, right? She's little sister. I'm not saying that that's your role, but she's little sister Bianca. And so it's hard for us to then see Bianca, the business woman, the boss who's running things. Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. Yes. Yes. Totally. Kathryn Finney: because we have known her as our little sister that we carried around and hugged. And now we have to think of it as a boss and sometimes in business as our boss. Right. And that's a dynamic that can be very hard, particularly in family businesses for people to sort of transition to of Bianca the boss, not Bianca the baby sister. Right. And so we talk a little bit about this concept of team ship. Bianca D'Alessio: Correct. Bianca D'Alessio: Totally. Yep. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Kathryn Finney: And I think it's interesting going from like family businesses to this discussion. What is teamship? How do we use it? Bianca D'Alessio: So this book is about self-discovery, it's about self-realization, but that only gets you so far. The different component and the next level is this concept of team-ship. In life we don't, it's not a solo journey, we may be working on ourselves, but the way that we co-create life with all of the people around us is the concept of team-ship. How do we create shared vision? How do we create shared leadership? How do we build and grow together along it? And it's not just in a professional space, it's in all of these spaces. And how do you meet people where they are at so you can continue to evolve and grow and develop and innovate collectively so you can live with intention? And so that's something that, you know, I was thinking of when I was writing this, it's like, is it a professional book? Is it a personal book? You know what? No, it's- both because it's life. You people ask me all the time about the concept of balance and I don't believe in balance. I've never believed in balance. They say, why? And I'm like, because it's life. It's not work from home. It's not home life. It's not this bad. It's all one in the same. And that's the same for team ship. How do you create these connections, these collaborations and you grow and you evolve together? And all of these practices can be done with inner work individually, but also with the people around you. Kathryn Finney: concept of growing together and particularly when you're leading teams, you know, it can be hard when you're in spaces, especially in really challenging spaces and you're doing things that are different. And you're in these challenging spaces and you're managing people. And we're all individuals and we all bring our collective individualness to wherever organization we're a part of. Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. Kathryn Finney: And one of the things I found for even myself as a leader is, you know, making sure that you first of all, explain sort of what the general vision is for the organization. Because I think that's a very important part of you building this team and ship your collective vision. You want people to be a part of things. You have to tell them what it is that they're a part of. Right. Like, what is the bigger vision for what it is that we're doing? Bianca D'Alessio: . Bianca D'Alessio: Yep. absolutely. Kathryn Finney: and then getting the buy-in from them to that vision, right? And people who are not part of that vision or can't buy into whatever vision you have, because really as a leader, your goal is to set the vision, set, manage the vision, the sort of direction, the North Star of the company, and then get out of the way of everyone else who is specialized in what it is that they do and let them do what they need to do in order to help realize your vision. That's the most successful places I've seen it. Bianca D'Alessio: Absolutely. Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Kathryn Finney: but it's also about letting go of people who don't share the vision and letting go of them quickly. And so what has been your experience with that? It's like transitioning people who didn't get the concept of teamship. How do you transition them and transition them quickly? Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. So I think you and I could both agree that managing people is the hardest part of the business, of any business, because everyone comes from a different life perspective, a different place, has different motivations, has different communication styles. There is no one size fits all for how you could be a good leader to people. because everyone needs their own model, their own coaching, their own communication. And so I didn't do this well in the beginning when I started my business because I thought I could help everyone. And I thought if people had inspiration and drive and they wanted to work hard, like I was the right place for them and I could help them. Well, the same way I said earlier, you can't change people don't want to change. Like you could give someone a whole roadmap and all the tools and all the resources if they're not willing to work for it. then they're just not willing to work for it and there's only so much I could do. And I used to take that very personally in the beginning of like, gosh, like I just believe in them so much, know, why is this not working? But then I changed the way that I was recruiting and the way that I was bringing people on and I've recognized and I am so okay with, I am not for everyone. That doesn't make me a bad leader. It makes me a great leader. Cause the people that I am for, Kathryn Finney: Mm-hmm. Bianca D'Alessio: I am really, really good for. And that started with a level of self-awareness of like, who am I and how do I show up? I want people who love the chaos and the creativity we have throughout that chaotic creative process for how we shape and build. But then they love the discipline that we experience and they love collaborating and they don't look at each other's competitors. Like, what are our core values of our company? How do we make sure? And then what is my leadership style for who works best for me? And I recruit people and I bring people on who understand that. And I'm so very honest that like, you may be an amazing person and I would love to have you as part of the team, but I'm not the right leader for you. And I'm not the right manager for you based on where you want to go and what you're looking for this job. And that's okay. I hope that we could do business on opposite ends of the aisle one day, but I don't think this is the right place for you to grow. changing that. became very, very powerful to make sure that I was bringing on and then retaining the right people. But then of course, now they're through the door. How do you continue to keep them motivated? You know, honestly, I'm still learning. But I even made a mistake last week in the way that I was working with my creative division through a project. And I was pulling back after I delegated all the activities and laid the vision. We just weren't getting to where we needed to. So I pulled back and I'm like, is it me? Did I not communicate? What did I do wrong? So we came back to the room and we said, you know what? I know we've been working on this for a month now and we haven't gotten to where we need it to be. I wanna pretend like everything that we've done, I appreciate all the work we've gotten to, but something's not working right. Do we all agree with that? And they're like, yeah, it's just not, I'm like, how do we throw all the rules out? How do we throw the responsibilities? of who does what out and how do we reshuffle the deck? How do we rewrite what we need to do here? We know what the end goal needs to be, but maybe the right tasks weren't given to the right people and the right, you know, each person wasn't inspired by the work that they were doing. This is a creative project. How do we work creatively together? And in that 45 minute meeting and then the next four hours of that Monday that followed, we had accomplished more because we just threw out the playbook, started over. Bianca D'Alessio: and reshuffled the deck of what everyone was. So it wasn't about the people, it wasn't about the leader, it was about the roles and the responsibilities that needed to be reallocated and redelegated. And so I think that also comes in a lot of the times of, your people may be great, the position you need to be filled needs to be filled, but maybe there isn't the right match. How do you get there quickly? And then how do you shuffle people up without being so rigid in, well, this is the right way and this is the wrong way. Kathryn Finney: It's about the process again, right? Or going back to the process. It's the process, not the goal. And so how do you get to that level of self-awareness as a leader? Or even to know, how do you create the list of who works with me? Bianca D'Alessio: Yes! Bianca D'Alessio: Yes. Bianca D'Alessio: do a tremendous amount of self-reflection. Kathryn Finney: Who's the best type of person is it? Did you sit down and create like just a list of here's the qualities of the person that works best with me? Is it more of a gut feeling when you interview? Like how do you, how have you sort of operationalized that process? Bianca D'Alessio: So I think there's a certain level of gut, but I think that there's also been for me. I know what is most important to me when I am looking at and listen, there's different people in different roles. But like when I'm thinking about my leadership team who works with and directly reports to me, I know the most important thing is trust and loyalty. If I could trust you and if you're loyal to the company, to the vision and to me, And we have that as like our first factor. Like I know that you won't have bad intention or you know, everything that you're doing, like there may be mistakes, there may be times when we don't agree, but I know that we could always work past that because we are operating in this together. And once I have that level of comfort, then it's like, okay, what's the next step? So I think that has always been a gut check for me of can I trust someone? Do I want them on part of my team? You know, if I handed the keys over to them, are they gonna run with it? And like, if the answer is yes, then like, Those are the people that I want on the front lines because I know that the rest of the people will believe in them as much as I do. So that's been number one, but I think a lot of it's also, you know, it's trial and error of like learning your different people for where they fit in and, you know, and also giving them the opportunity to grow in the position. You know, right now, my right hand in my business, she came to me and I mean, she started as like the most admin, below admin level of job of like, she was an intern and it was through time and through grit and through hustle and seeing how hard she was working. And I'm like, wow, she's got something there. I don't know, I don't have a role for her yet, but I'm gonna find it when she's ready for it. And so I think leaving yourself open to that of like where people prove themselves to be valuable and where they want to grow to, you know. Now as I look at my leadership division, I have these titles, but if I find the right person who they passed the gut check and now I know that they can add value to the business, sometimes I just bring them in to see where can we fit you into the mix? Where's their opportunity? Because I think you could bring in something different that the team doesn't currently have. Kathryn Finney: Interesting. So what's one intention you're holding right now? Bianca D'Alessio: Yeah, so I talked about courage. Another thing that's very important for me is I wrote on my wall, I write my intentions on my wall, is being relentless. So I just moved my office, but my old office very recently, every wall was a whiteboard. So I had whiteboard paint, but now I have mirrors everywhere. I write with, not mirrors, I have glass everywhere. So I write with glass markers like, Kathryn Finney: Wait, do you write it like in marker or like, how do you? Kathryn Finney: okay. Yeah. Bianca D'Alessio: on all of my walls. Our goals, our numbers, our projects we're working on and my intentions are on the wall. being relentless this year is another one. Relentless follow-up, relentless outreach, just being relentless in my approach. So I feel like that coincides with my courage of stepping outside of my comfort zone and doing it relentlessly. Kathryn Finney: I love that. That's a great place for us to end. Relentless courage. That would probably be the theme for your. Thank you. Relentless courage. thank you so much, Bianca. Bianca reminds us that real success isn't speed, it's intention. If you're ready to build a life and business that lasts, hit subscribe, leave a review and share this episode with a builder who needs it. Until next time. Bianca D'Alessio: Ha Bianca D'Alessio: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's it. That's my theme for 2025. Kathryn Finney: Stay focused, keep your eye on your intentions, and keep building the damn thing. Thank you, Bianca. Hold on, don't get off yet. Bianca D'Alessio: Thank you.