Build the Room You Need

We have all been there. You show up at some networking event or some high stakes meeting in a mahogany office and you realize within thirty seconds that you are the only one who looks like you. You are the only person who did not go to an Ivy League school. You are the only one who does not have a trust fund to fall back on if this whole startup thing goes sideways. You realize that the room was not built for you. In fact, the room was built specifically to keep you out.

Most people will tell you to just keep knocking. They will tell you to lean in or pivot or find a way to make yourself more palatable to the people inside. I am telling you to stop knocking. It is a waste of your energy and your time. If they wanted you in that room, the door would already be open. Since it is not, your job is to go down the street and build your own damn building. When I share my story about starting digitalundivided and later Genius Guild, it always comes back to this one truth. I did not wait for permission to exist in the venture space. I built a room where Black and Latinx women were the default, not the exception.

The Myth of the Seat at the Table

You have heard the phrase a million times. We need a seat at the table. But here is the thing about those tables. Usually, the legs are wobbly and the people sitting there are bored. They are protecting an old way of doing business that does not even work for the modern world. Why are you fighting so hard for a seat at a table that is breaking?

Underestimated founders often feel like they are failing because they cannot access the same old boy networks that their peers use. You think your business is the problem, but the problem is the ecosystem. If the current ecosystem does not provide the capital, the mentorship, or any of the honest feedback you need, then that ecosystem is broken. You do not fix a broken system by begging it to include you. You fix it by creating a parallel system that functions better and attracts the real talent.

When I wrote Build the Damn Thing, I was speaking directly to the people who were tired of the gatekeeping. Building your own room is not about being exclusionary. It is about creating a space where the rules are clear, the support is real, and the growth is measurable. It is about creating a community where you do not have to explain your basic humanity before you get to the pitch.

Identify the Missing Pieces

Before you start building, you have to get clear on what exactly is missing from the rooms you currently frequent. Do you need actual money? Do you need technical partners who do not condescend to you? Do you need a safe space to fail without it becoming a headline about why your entire demographic is a bad investment?

Be specific. Generic networking is for people with too much time on their hands. You need a room that serves a functional purpose. When I am on the keynote stage, I often talk about the difference between a crowd and a community. A crowd just stands around. A community builds.

To build your room, you start with three people. You do not need a thousand followers. You need three people who are as hungry as you are. These should be people who have different skills but the same values. If you are the visionary, you need an operator and a rainmaker. You meet once a week. You share your numbers. You share your failures. You share your wins. That is the beginning of a room.

Radical Transparency as a Foundation

The reason the old rooms are so toxic is that they run on secrets. People pretend they got their funding through hard work when it was actually a call from their dad. They pretend their growth is organic when they are burning millions in venture debt.

Your new room needs to run on radical transparency. If your business is struggling, say it. If you do not know how to read a cap table, ask. The fastest way to build a real network is to be the one who tells the truth first. When you are honest about where you are, you give others permission to be honest too. Suddenly, you are not just a group of people pretending to be successful. You are a group of builders actually becoming successful because you are solving real problems instead of hiding them.

I talk about this a lot on the Build the Damn Thing podcast because the truth is the only currency that actually appreciates in value. When you build a community based on truth, you create a moat around your business. You have a support system that actually understands the stakes.

Scale Your Own Ecosystem

Once you have your core group, you have to start thinking about the infrastructure. A room is not just a physical space or a group chat. It is a set of resources. This might look like a shared database of investors who are actually helpful. It might look like a group buy for software that you all need.

I created the BUILD Sprint because I saw so many people with great ideas who were stuck in the thinking phase because they did not have a structured way to move forward. They needed a room that provided a roadmap. If you find yourself constantly answering the same questions for other founders, that is a signal. It means you have knowledge that needs to be codified.

Do not guard your secrets. The old world thinks if I give you my map, I will get lost. The builder mindset knows that if I give you my map, we can both find the treasure and maybe build a city there. You scale your room by making it easier for the next person to enter it.

Vet your Vibe

Not everyone belongs in your room. This is the hardest part for people who are used to being excluded. You want to be inclusive because you know how it feels to be left out. But a room with no walls is just a field.

To protect the integrity of what you are building, you have to vet the people who enter. Are they there to take or are they there to add? Are they comfortable with the radical transparency you have established? If someone comes in and tries to bring that old, ego driven, jargon heavy energy, you have to show them the door. Your room is a sanctuary for the underestimated. It is not a place for people to practice their pitch on you while offering nothing in return.

Check the toolbox you are using to manage your community. Are your communication channels healthy? Are people actually helping each other, or are they just broadcasting their own updates? A real community is a two way street. If it is only going one way, it is just a mailing list.

Ownership is the Goal

The ultimate reason to build your own room is ownership. When you are in someone else's room, you are a guest. Guests can be asked to leave at any time. Guests have to follow someone else's rules. Guests do not get a share of the house.

By building your own room, you are claiming ownership over your professional destiny. You are deciding who the experts are. You are deciding what success looks like. You are deciding which problems are worth solving. For underestimated founders, this is the most radical thing you can do. The world expects us to be happy with the crumbs. When we build the whole bakery, we change the entire game.

If you are looking for where to start, start with the nearest person who is doing something brave. Reach out to them. Tell them you like what they are building and ask how you can help. That is how the new table begins. We do not need their permission, their mahogany tables, or their broken systems. We just need each other and the willingness to build the damn thing ourselves.